Awesome

All is fair in love and war

My pretty Batangueña bed spacer, now working at the Shell Refinery in Batangas, had this photo.  

Which reminded me of an old Burger King take on McDonalds.

Way to go, LJ...

Please Clarify..

An older couple, who were both widowed, had been going out with each other for a long time. Urged on by their friends, they decided it was finally time to get married. 

Before the wedding, they went out to dinner and had a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work. They discussed finances, living arrangements and so on.

 Finally, the old gentleman decided it was time to broach the subject of their physical relationship.

"How do you feel about sex?" he asked, rather tentatively.

"I would like it infrequently," she replied.

The old gentleman sat quietly for a moment, adjusted his glasses, leaned over towards her and whispered -

"Is that one word or two?"

NOTE: Dan Ciria Cruz sent this anecdote via eMail.

Touche

A golfer hits his ball into a yard next to the golf course.

As he goes to get it a man in the yard says, "Don't you see the sign? It  says, 'Private property - Stay Out!'"

The golfer says, "I'm sorry I did not see it. That is my ball there. May I have it, please?"

The man says, "It's in my yard and so it's my ball now."

The golfer looks at the man and says, "I understand."

He then walks back to the golf cart, gets another golf ball, then walks back and throws it into the yard.

The man says, "What is that for?"

The golfer replies, "I consider myself a gentleman, and I believe every prick should have two balls."

NOTE: Many thanks to Arya Razavi for sending this anecdote.

The Aussie Salesman at Harrods

A young Aussie lad moved to London and went to Harrods looking for a job.

The manager asked 'Do you have any sales experience?'

The young man answered 'Yeah, I was a salesman back home in Dubbo.'

The manager liked the Aussie so he gave him the job.

His first day was challenging and busy, but he got through it.

After the store was locked up, the manager came down and asked, 'OK, so how many sales did you make today?'

The Aussie said 'One!'

The manager groaned and continued, 'Just one? Our sales people average 20 or 30 sales a day. 

 
How much was the sale for?'

 '£124,237.64p.' 

 
The manager choked and exclaimed '£124,237.64!!  

What the hell did you sell him?'
 

'Well, first I sold him a small fish hook, then a medium fish hook and then I sold him a new fishing rod.'
 

'Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down at the coast, so I told him he would need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him that twin-engine Power Cat.'

'Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to car sales and I sold him the 4 x4 ’  

The manager, incredulous, said, 'You mean to tell me...a guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and a 4x4?'

'No, no, no... he came in here to buy a box of tampons for his lady friend and I said...

'Well, since your weekend's buggered, you might as well go fishing.'

NOTE: Harrods is an upmarket department store located in Brompton Road in Brompton, in the Royal Borough of Kensington and Chelsea, London. The Harrods brand also applies to other enterprises undertaken by the Harrods group of companies including Harrods Bank, Harrods Estates, Harrods Aviation and Air Harrods.

Annie Get Your Gun