Tequila

A man  walks into a bar, notices a very large jar on  the counter, and sees  that it's filled to the brim with $10 bills.   He guesses there must be at least  ten thousand dollars in it. He  approaches the bartender and asks,
"What's with the money in the jar?"

"Well...,  you pay $10, and if you pass three tests, you get all the money in the jar and the keys to a brand new Lexus."

The man  certainly isn't going to pass this up, so he  asks,  "What are the three tests?"

 

"You gotta  pay first,"  says the bartender, "those are  the rules."

So, after  thinking it over a while, the man gives the  bartender $10 which he stuffs into the jar. 

"Okay,"  says the bartender, "here's what you need to do:
First  -  You have to drink a whole quart of  tequila, in 60 seconds or less, and you  can't make a face while doing it."

 

"Second -  There's a pit bull chained in the back with a  bad tooth.
You have to remove that tooth  with your bare hands."

 

"Third -  There's a 90-year old lady upstairs who's never  had sex.
You have to take care of that  problem."

 

The man is  stunned!  "I know I paid my $10  --  but I'm not an idiot! I won't do it!   You'd have to be nuts to drink a quart of  tequila and then do all those other things!"

"Your  call," says the  bartender, "but, your  money stays where it is." 

 

As time  goes on, the man has a few more drinks and  finally says, "Where's the damn tequila?!"

He grabs  the bottle with both hands and drinks it as fast  as he can. Tears  stream down both cheeks --but he doesn't make a  face -- and he drinks it in 58  seconds!
 

Next, he  staggers out the back door where he sees the pit  bull chained to a pole. Soon, the people inside the bar hear loud growling, screaming,  and sounds of a terrible fight -- then nothing  but silence!

 

Just when  they think that the man surely must be dead, he  staggers back into the bar.  His clothes  are ripped to shreds and  he's bleeding  from bites and gashes all over his  body. 

He drunkenly says, "Now....,  where's that old woman with the bad tooth?"

From an email sent by  Dan Ciria Cruz

A practical example of how the human mind works

In the picture below, we will analyze what it represents to some groups of people.

Analyze the photo before reading the review.

• For young men, it's a nice ass. Only the most observant will define this as an ass crossing the street. The really observant will see the thong.
• For older men, it is a respectable woman with a nice ass crossing the street.
  The perverts will imagine her as a naked woman.
• The wise men will ponder the presence of mind of the photographer in the face of such beauty and gratitude that it was shared with humanity.
• For half of the women, this is an ordinary woman who should not have left home dressed that way.
  The other half is wondering where she bought that blouse.
• The wise women imagine the misery that this will be at 50.
• Children, the curious, and monks will probably notice a dog driving the taxi..

Don't be alarmed, I didn't see the dog either.

Where White Man Went Wrong

Wine Taster

At a wine merchant’s, the regular taster died and the director started looking for a new one to hire.

A drunkard with a ragged, dirty look came to apply for the position.  The director of the factory wondered how to send him away.  

They gave him a glass to drink.  

He tried it and said “It's a  Muscat , three years old, grown on a north slope, matured in steel containers.  Low grade but acceptable.”

“That's correct”, said the boss.

Another glass....

“It's a cabernet, eight years old, a south-western slope, oak barrels, matured at 8 degrees.  Requires three more years for finest results..”

“Correct.”

A third glass...

“It's a pinot blanc champagne, high grade and exclusive” calmly said the drunk.

The director was astonished. He winked at his secretary to suggest something.

She left the room, and came back in with a glass of urine. 

The alcoholic tried it.

“It's a blonde, 26 years old, three months pregnant and if you don't give me the job, I'll name the father.”

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The Tripoli Agreement

A month after the late President Ferdinand E. Marcos declared martial law in the Philippines, the Moro National Liberation Front, led by Nur Misuari, launched a massive offensive in Marawi against the government and followed by a brief occupation of Jolo and Cotabato in 1973.

On May 21, 1976 six Muslim rebels hijacked the Philippine Airlines BAC-111 jetliner and forcibly landed it in Zamboanga. The passengers were taken hostage for three days which resulted to the death of six persons (including the three rebels).

In response to the secessionist threat, President Marcos increased the budget of the Armed Forces from Php900 million in 1972 to Php6.9 billion in 1976. Likewise, the President issued decrees, orders, and letters of instructions adhering to the cultural, historical, political, economic and religious aspirations of the Muslim people.

On November 14-16, 1976 Mrs. Imelda Marcos made a historic visit to Libya and successfully secured a commitment from Libyan President Col. Muamar Al Qathafi, top financial supporter of the MNLF, to resolve the Moro problem in Mindanao – the Tripoli Agreement.

The Tripoli Agreement was signed by the MNLF chairman, Nur Misuari, and the Philippine government in 1976. It was the first peace agreement signed between Muslim separatists and the Filipino government. Also involved in the negotiations was the Quadripartite Ministerial Commission Members of Islamic Conference, which included representation from the Libyan Arab Republic, The Kingdom of Saudi Arabia, The Republic of Senegal, and The Democratic Republic of Somalia.

The year of 1976 is when the conflict between the Moros and government began to subside after the peak of violence from the years 1970-1975. The Tripoli Agreement is the result of a series of talks between the government and the Moros that began in late 1976 under the Organization of the Islamic Conference. This treaty was supposed to provide for Moro autonomy in the southern Philippines along with a cease fire. However this truce was broken in 1977 when the Moros charged the government of not really giving them the full autonomy they were looking for. 

Today, as a civil war rages in Libya, Muammar Gaddafi defies the opposition's clamor for his regime to end.  Unmindful of the international community's pressure to step down, the government continues to attack rebel forces and it may not be long before direct foreign intervention gets into the Libyan war.

Alpha Delta Rho

 

The Big Sister of the House at Old Balagtas.

Insurance Commission grants APEC 2011 License

What a pleasant surprise to find out that Manny Dooc is now Insurance Commissioner. No wonder I have not been seeing him at the Philamlife Building at UN Avenue.  This news was dated February 1, 2011 at the APEC website. 

The Insurance Commission recently handed over the Certificate of Registration and License for 2011 to Mr. Noel C. Oñate, Chairman of APEC Plans.  Also present during the ceremony are (L-R):  Rolando I. Gonzalez, APEC Plans’ Executive Vice President and Chief Marketing Officer; Insurance Commissioner Emmanuel F. Dooc; and Atty. Danilo C. Capistrano, Senior Assistant Vice President for Legal Department.

My Barn

By Linda Strong

As I creep across the loft…
the hay falls through the cracks, so quiet and soft.

This barn is my favorite place to be…
as there are lots of them running around…
out in the open where I can see.

These little creatures with their big ears and long tails…
give me something to chase and to catch…
and I rarely fail.

For me they make a great lunch or a snack!
I pounce on them and give ‘em a good smack!

This barn I love so dear…
gives me warmth, shelter, and food that is near.

As a cat, I couldn’t ask for anything more…
as I chase “another” one, that just came in under the door!